Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
