my vag is so smooth its legendary
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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