Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
