I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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