hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
