i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
