I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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