I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
