i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
