My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
