the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
