Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
