wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
