If i come over, it means nothing
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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