It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
