The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
