its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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