I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
