dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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