I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
