did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
True but thats because hes a fetus.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
