ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
