I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
