i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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