just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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