i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
