thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
