i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
