covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
