Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
