So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
