Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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