So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
