how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm passing your future prison.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
