remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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