i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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