the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
