I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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