hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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