I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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