I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
