dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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