in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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