I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
