We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
