would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
