There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
