I will die if light touches me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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