is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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