Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
