thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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