When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
