Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
