you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
