Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
