you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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