my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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