there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
