Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This is my gift to your gina
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
