So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
